GuFFaWs  
 

Santa joined a school as a teacher. It came to lunch time time, and while he was looking around on the first day, he noticed a boy standing on his own but thought nothing of it. Later in the day he noticed the same lad on his own again, while other children were busy playing a game of football. He went over to the boy and asked him if he was okay. The boy replied "Yes, of course" and the teacher asked "Then why are you always on your own here?" to which he replied "Sir, because I happen to be the goal keeper!"

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Frog: “Blondes don’t have a brain”
Blonde: “Of course they have!”
Frog: “No! you don’t!”
Blonde: “Yes! I do!”

Frog: No!
Blonde: Yes!

Frog: says “No” and promptly jumps into the well.
Blonde: (screams after him) ”Listen you don’t have to take it personally! And, is there a need to commit suicide on that account?”

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Teacher to student: Where were you born?
Student : In Thiruvananthapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
student : (after thinking) ‘I T’.

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A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her,  and, in a normal conversational speaking tone, see if she hears you.

If  not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on, until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the  den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his Wife,  and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room, where he is about 20 feet from his wife  and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her.  "Honey, what's for dinner?"

;

;

;

"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

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Son (while filling up a form): “Dad, what should I write for mother tongue?”
 

Santa Singh (man from Punjab): “How dare they talk about your mother’s legs? I will sue them!”

(In Punjabi ‘tung’ means leg)

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There was a hunter who bought an amazing bird dog.

This one-of-a-kind dog could walk on water.

The hunter was looking forward to showing off his new acquisition to his friends.

He invited a friend to go duck hunting.

After some time, they shot a few ducks and the man ordered his dog to fetch the birds.

All day long, whenever there were birds to be fetched, the dog ran on water to retrieve the birds.

The owner was expecting his friend to comment or compliment him about this amazing dog, but never got one.

As they were returning home, he asked his friend if he had noticed anything unusual about his dog.

The friend replied, “Yes, in fact, I did notice something unusual. Your dog can’t swim.”

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