HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE...
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone inside your house?' and he said 'no'. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. 'Hello, I just called you few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them.' Then he hung up.
Within five minutes six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George: 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!'
George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available.'
--------------- Don't mess with old people.
Difference between an Engineer and A Manager
“Once upon a time, a man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted. “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied. “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 50 and 51 degrees north latitude and between 114 and 115 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make use of your information. The fact is, I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going.
You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, you’ve managed to make it my fault!!”
A little boy wanted Rs. 50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs. 50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs. 20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs. 50) to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs. 20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those Shylocks deducted Rs. 30 in taxes ... "
Beauty of Maths!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 9876